Wordless Wednesday: When I get home from work

Appreciation of Reality

midnight moonlight on the snow, by Wandering Dad

It's easy for me to read ideas and theories and decide what our home should be like. What I want for it. How we should behave. How we should clean up. When we should nap. What we should eat. How we should speak. But that's not reality. The reality is at home, where I am not. I can make some of my ideas and dreams into reality, but I cannot magically make all this happen.

So I dream of having a Waldorf-ish style home, with simple mostly natural toys, rhythm to the day, beautiful spaces, appreciation of the natural world around us, positive and supportive environment, so on and so forth. When I look at much of society around us, we are far from the norm....far on the crunchy side. But when I look at the Waldorf blogs and books I feel like we have so so far to go, and it feels somewhat unattainable. Since I am not the primary parent I have only so much control over things at home. And, I am only human. I come home from work exhausted a lot of days, and I only have so much time and energy for change, creativity, and extras beyond the basics of life. In some ways I know this will sounds like a defense of myself for not changing and not being the change I want, but really, I'm not superwoman. I want to come home and have dinner and spend a few minutes with my children not thinking constantly about what I Should be doing to make change in our lives. And evenings are not the best time for "working with" the kids, who are usually clingy and need their mama fix. Some days I find energy for a little extra, a little push forward, or a little inner thought, but many days I do not.

In the past month I have been lucky enough to have a lot of extra time at home for holidays and snow days. It was really wonderful to have the additional time with my family, and it was also a good reality check. I have not had that much time at home since maternity leave over a year ago. And then we had a new baby and all that. Now we are shifting our parenting from babies to toddlers and preschoolers, and we are thinking about how we want to parent and what we want our home to be like. I do a lot of reading (although not as much as I would like), I discuss ideas with friends, and I think about what would be nice and fun and what might work for our family. And I take tidbits home to my husband, the stay-at-home parent in our household. Although in general we agree on parenting, we do have slight differences which come in part from our different backgrounds. We have different personalities and different levels of interest in personal development and internal work. And we have different levels of involvement in the realities of raising two young children.

This recent extra time at home gave me more of an opportunity of be a part of the daily rhythm at home, and to observe and appreciate what goes on there. I found renewed respect for what my husband does. I have deep and great appreciation for him and his work. He not only does nearly all the housework (including laundry, dishes, and toilets!), he cares wonderfully for our two young children, makes homemade meals nearly every weekday, uses cloth wipes on our baby's bum, and wears silk long johns (just had to throw that one in because I like it), but he also does his own tractor repair, much of our car work, does snow removal, keeps track of finances, pays the bills, mows the yard, helps garden, helps my parents cut firewood, does the grocery shopping, does our food co-op orders, helps our son with his speech, takes the kids on fun outings, plays the guitar, stays more up to date than I do on current events and technology, and is supportive of me (and I'm not exactly easy or laid back). At the same time Wandering Dad is finding himself. Trying to figure out who he is and who he wants to be and how he wants to parent and develop as a person. Wow!

I also noted that we have made some big changes at home. The change has been gradual, and it is a work in progress, but we are moving toward that seemingly unattainable goal of a simple, peaceful, beautiful home. Working with what we have and who we have, we have come a long way. And one thing that Wandering Dad and I agree on is that although we are not where we want to be, we at least have a mostly shared dream. I'm sure that my visions of our future are slightly more dreamy than my husband's, but at least we are headed in the same direction. His reality has many more little bums to wipe, many more little hands to wash, and many more little noses to blow. But he wipes and washes and blows with such patience (most of the time) and always with such love. What more can I ask for except slow and steady steps toward our joint dream of peace and beauty?

Goodby to Pumping

Today my workday is different. I am not pumping. I am not providing milk for my daughter's bottle tomorrow. It feels strange. I Could pump. I could lift the pump off the floor and up onto my desk and take out my tubing and hook it up and get out my pump parts and express milk into a bottle. But, I'm not. I'm not going to do it.

I never really thought about "hanging up the horns" as being a big event, but it is. For the last four years I have either been pumping, pregnant, or both. When I finished graduate school and started my first "real" job I was pregnant with Fire Boy. After a way too short maternity leave I went back to work and entered the world of pumping mothers. I was rather lost. This contraption was so strange. I was nervous. It felt strange. At times I had trouble letting the milk down. I was stressed over getting enough milk. My baby didn't take bottles well. I had all the worries of a new parent and all the anxieties of going back to work exhausted and juggling my roles as mother and wife and worker and also providing milk for my baby. I was glad to do it, but at the same time it wasn't easy. It seemed like my workday was consumed by drinking, pumping, eating, repeat, repeat, repeat. We had thrush. We had unknowledgeable doctors. We had doctors who tried to get us to stop breastfeeding. Fire Boy had a dairy allergy. I had a lipase issue. I had post-partum depression. I traveled for job interviews. I pumped on planes, in hotels, in airports, in cars, in bathrooms, in closets, in offices, and at home. We moved. I started a new job. And still I pumped. I pumped for Fire Boy until he was two years old and I was pregnant with Wind Girl and my milk dried up.

I have pumped for 16 months for Wind Girl, and we (Wandering Dad and I) decided it was a reasonable time for me to stop pumping for her. She is much more interested in food than Fire Boy was at this age, and much less attached to the bottle. So hopefully today she napped easily without a bottle of mama's milk (and if she really wants it there is milk in the freezer that can be thawed for her). In some ways I feel like I am cheating her by not pumping. The milk is here, ready for her, and I'm choosing to let it stay there and not express it for her. But also, I pumped for 16 months! That is a long time. She is a big girl, and doesn't really need the milk during the day now. She can still nurse all she wants when I am at home, and the amount of milk she gets doesn't have to be diminished.

Although there are days when I have Really not wanted to pump, times when I dreaded it, I feel so lucky to have been able to provide for my children in this way. And I think part of me needed to be needed in that way. I needed to provide milk. It was something that only I could do. I couldn't be there with them, but I, and only I, could provide mama's milk for them. It has been good for them, and it has been good for me in a way. I am glad I did it!

During this time as a pumping mother I have learned so much. I have learned about pumps. I have learned about traveling with breastmilk. I have learned to hand express. I about breastmilk storage. About bottles. About nipple confusion. About changing membranes regularly. About hand-free pumping. About pumping while driving. About supply. About oatmeal and Mother's Milk tea. And about the need for support and accurate information! I have also learned about cleaning milk out of computer keyboards, about overflowing bottles, about spilled bottles, and about forgetting to but the bottles on and soaking my pants.

Luckily though this all I have had supportive friends and family and the wonderful community at Kellymom. This support helped get us through our breastfeeding difficulties, and helped me develop into the mother that I am. I needed support in my endeavors, and I needed friends who I was not afraid to talk to about things like nipples, breastpump tubing, and baby poop, and who could help me see that reverse cycling was only a phase. It seems that everything is only a phase. And this phase of my life is over. I am no longer a pumping mama.

calendar play

Our son always asks what day it is. "What today called, mommy. Mommy have to go to work today?"

After we found him neatly marking off days on our planning calendar, I got him his own whiteboard calendar. He works very hard at writing down something for each day and then erasing the whole thing clean.

Eventually we will try to use this calendar as an actual monthly planning tool for him (it is magnetic too, so I imagine making pictures to represent people/activities that he can put on specific days), but we're waiting for the newness to wear off and for him to be ready to not erase as soon and it's full. And we must find a hanging place that his little helper can't reach....

isolation

I have been at work all day and have spoken to no one except my husband and 10 month old on the phone briefly. The isolation of a lonely office is different from the isolation of being alone in the woods or working alone at home, both of which I found quite doable.

one of those days

Today is one of those days where I want so badly to be a stay-at-home mom. I know that it is not possible, but I still dream that somehow it could happen. Every day I leave the most important things in my life. Every day I miss the little joys. Every day I am sad and feel an emptiness. Every day I am homesick.

I keep trying to get past this. To move on and accept and be thankful for what we do have. But I always end up right back here, with a lump in my throat.

I am thankful. Really I am. I am so thankful that my husband can be home - and is willing to be home - and is good at it. It is not an easy job. I am thankful that he gets to see all the little things I miss. I am thankful that I have a relatively flexible job without travel and usually not long hours. I am thankful that I have my own office and can pump milk for my baby without major inconvenience. I am thankful that I have a happy marriage and two wonderful kids. I am thankful for smiles and hugs. But darn it, it's just not easy to be away from my kids. I feel like I missed the most important calling in my life and now I will never get a second chance. I feel like I put my priorities in the wrong order before I had children and now I have to live with it forever.

Yes, I'm feeling sorry for myself, but it's one of those days.

putting the wheel in motion

i have tried and tried to make it work. to be happy with the status quo. to do this because of the benefits it brings to my family. but it i can't be happy then neither can my family. it looks good in theory, but it doesn't work for me. it is time to move on. not a good time to move on. but time to realize that it's time to move on, and put that wheel in motion. so we begin in earnest the search for for the next chapter. here's hoping for a short search.

Monday. Hard to leave for work.

This morning my son woke my up and said "Mama doesn't have go work today? Mama stay long long time!" in a very exited voice. If anything makes mama want to stay home it's that. But, I had to explain to him that it was Monday and mama has to work on Monday. He wasn't easily convinced. "No. It Satday! Mama no have go work today. Mama stay long long time.". Darn. It's not "Satday". It's Monday. Why did I think this working mama stuff was a good idea. Beats me! That was obviously a pre-kids decision!

Well, we got through the pre-work routine. I held baby and read Curious George visits a fire station (reading upside down mind you) while our son ate breakfast and my husband was able to get bowl of cereal down. I had to read upside down because I have to keep our 8-month old daughter far far away from the book since she has decided that Curious George books are very tasty. She was "fragile" and needed to be held, so her in my lap sitting on floor, twisting around to read book on toddler table, reading book upside down, reminding 3-year old to eat and chew what was in his mouth. Then shower while my husband entertains kids and then get dressed, nurse both children. Get 3-year old out of exersaucer. Remove car key jammed in crevice of exersaucer (actually my husband did that part). Oh, and I had a bowl of cereal somewhere in there. Thank goodness my husband has taken over getting pump parts and my water bottles ready or I'd never have all the right parts to express milk for my baby at work and take empty water bottles! Well, we made it to the near goodbye stage and my son comes over and says "Mama looks Realll pretty taday!" Heart melts. Want to stay home and hug family. Say goodbye and give kisses. Find car keys. Get ready to go out the door. And then my 8-month old starts waving vigorously with a forlorn look on her face. This working mama idea Really was a pre-child idea. It has lost its appeal. Completely. Totally. I have to not think about it all day or I'll be a blubbering idiot. But soon I get to go home and get attacked by my children, both of whom want to nurse immediately. Reconnect with mommy. Hugs. Smiles. Or screams, depending on the day. Unreasonably demands from the toddler. But really and truly, I'd rather be with them all day every day.

bounce, bounce, wiggle

Some days I'm full of ideas on what to write and have no time to write. Some days I have no ideas but want to write. This is one of the latter. I feel like just posting another picture and let that do the talking, but that's the easy way out. I can't do wordless every day. It's the end of the week and I'm tired of being in front of a computer all week. It's sunny outside and I want to be outside (from the comfort of my office I can pretend it's not cold and windy and just think about how warm and nice is might be).

Let's see what's on my mind if I just let it go... I like my new exercise ball. It's shiny and new. And actually clear instead of scratched and kind of clearish in a past life. It's fun to sit on a shiny new ball. I started sitting on an exercise ball instead of a chair about 7 years ago. Wow, that's a long time! I have chronic back problems and it got so bad that there were times when I physically could not walk. I thought that my useful life might be over. I didn't know if I would ever be able to have kids, etc. I felt terrible that my husband had married me and ended up getting more than he bargained for. I didn't know if I would ever be the active girl I used to be. I went to lots of doctors and they did lots of tests. Major back surgery was recommended. Major, major! But we opted not do that, and I went into physical therapy for 10 months. My physical therapist was not a traditional American physical therapist -she was from the Czech Republic and did some muscle work and some alternative things. She recommended that instead of injections or major surgery I sit on an exercise ball, and low and behold the $30 fix worked very well! Thank you Radka! It wasn't a complete fix, but between the ball and exercises and PT, life gradually returned to "normal". I still was not able to sit on chairs, and ended up standing through my classes for the last few months. I toted a huge bright yellow ball around campus for a few weeks and got the strangest looks. But my large yellow ball seemed to make people happy. They smiled at me. Probably thought I was completely loony, but they smiled. I eventually discovered the Opit-ball clear balls and got several so that I could have one at the kitchen table, one in the office, one in the computer lab, etc. And I chose to change my lifestyle from a sedentary graduate student to doing a large amount of strenuous field work. What I needed was to rebuild the muscle that I had lost during college and graduate school (I was very active and helped on the farm in high school, and we think that's part of what kept things from getting too bad previously). So off to the woods I went, and I felt great. Then I finished my degree and had to go get a real job. That meant more office work. I held up well through two pregnancies, but the desk job takes it's toll. At my best time in the last 7 years I could sit for about half an hour in a chair without the pain taking over my brain. Now some days I am in constant pain again, chair or no chair. There were a few years there where I didn't have pain every day, and that was great! Now it's in the back of my mind most of the time again. But at least I know that it's not doing to completely debilitate me (at least not any time soon) and that if I can just find a way to sit less and exercise more things will get better again. I don't immediately see how to do that, but the pain it's as scary to me as it used to be.

So a little bit more about the ball. Evidently sitting on an exercise ball redistributes the pressure on the disks of your spine and so can reduce pain in some people that way. It is also an active sitting - you bounce, sway, wiggle, etc. That keeps things loosened up and builds muscle. I'm not an expert in all this, but it works for me and I've seen it work for other people. It's also very handy to have a ball around for bouncing babies to make them happy/sleep, etc.

So, here I sit on my shiny new ball. I got a new one so that I don't have to keep taking my ball room to room. Oh, and if you're planning to sit on a ball full time, I recommend buying a good quality one. The cheap ones tend to make your bum go numb more quickly in my experience.

what I like about the new office and our weekend

(how I felt a lot of this weekend)

I tired all weekend to write a post and got several composed, but I felt that they were all too glum to post so I left them out. We had a bit of "down" weekend with little sleep and gloomy weather.

Here are some notes from the yesterday...
I often wonder what it must be like to have children who sleep easily, long, and soundly. I'm sure I'll probably never know. It's nap time now, and my son and husband are asleep. I tried to nap our daughter - swaddled, nursed, and bounced, but she just sang to me. So how she's chasing toys on the floor while I type. I go over the retrieve toys that have rolled out of reach and she looks quizzically at my reading glasses. What's wrong with mama's eyes she seems to think. This morning began early - at 4:45 am for me. Our daughter was up for good by 6:00. My dear husband let me sleep for an hour, and then we bundled both kids into the van and headed to town for the first nap of the day. Neither my husband nor I wanted to be trapped inside with these kids today. Our daughter got a half hour nap before the combination of stop sign and 3-year old brother woke her. We went to the book fair and came home after changing a poopy diaper and nursing both children in the back of the van (our son wanted to stand in the rain and screamed at the idea of getting back in the van, so I offered a warm boob and that quieted him). Ten minutes from home our daughter feel asleep again. Argh. So I sat in the van for 20 minutes watching the cold raindrops collect and run down the window while she napped. But, I guess that half hour nap two hours ago ruined the usual afternoon nap. And all subsequent organization for the day. I guess it's probably obvious that my mood is about as grey and dismal as the weather this weekend. I used my yummy smelling raspberry shampoo yesterday afternoon when i got a shower - in hopes that the yumminess would perk me up, but it didn't work particularly well. I did manage to clean off (I mean clean, as in completely clean) off about 6 linear feet of kitchen counter last evening. I think that's going to be my big achievement for the weekend.

bouncing.....blank stares.....heavy eyes....going....going....gone! whew, that was hard work.... finally she gave in to sleep.

So, that's pretty much how our weekend went.

Today I'm back at work and trying to force myself to be positive. So, I thought I'd share a few things that I like about the new office....not that anyone really cares. I like it that my office door has a window. This weekend my husband installed a blind on the window so that I could take down the multi-colored tissue paper that I had covering the window. Now that I have a blind that I can pull down when I'm pumping and up when I'm not, I can close my door and listen to music without headphones. That's really nice. I have always tried to keep my door open in the past because the others in my office assume that when my door was closed I was pumping and wouldn't knock if they needed me. Now I can shut out the "world" and focus with my door closed but still be obviously available. I like that. I like listening to music without headphones while I work. I'm not a fan of headphones. They are good for listening to BBC Wold Service documentaries (another way to pass the time while I do mundane tasks), but I like music not directly funneled into my ears when possible.

I also like it that my desk is positioned so that people can't sneak up on me. I hated having my back to the door because I was always nervous that someone would "sneak in" and talk to me. I don't like surprises while I'm working. But now I feel that I can relax. The hardwood floors also help since I can hear when someone's walking around.

I like it that we have a somewhat real kitchen. Cabinets, a real sink, full size fridge, etc. Our "kitchen" at the last place was a tiny fridge and a utility closet with utility sink. In fact, now I can go do my grocery shopping in the middle of the day and put things in the fridge so that I don't have to face the grocery store after work when everyone is doing the same thing.

I like it that I'm on the second floor so I can pump with my window open. Yes, I'm not closing my outside window blind when I pump!! I got used to it the first few days in the new office when didn't have window blinds yet, and I've decided that I'm just not going to close the blind! There are no other building close by, and if someone going through the bank drive-thru really wants to look up this way and at my particular window and wonder what's going on, then so be it. But really, I don't think they could see anything. If I put my eyes down a boob level all I can see if the bank roof and and the road ~100 yards away. And with my pump between me and the window that view is probably blocked even more. So, maybe I'm nuts (the usually modest me who seldom even shows much of her collar bone, but I like light and I like my window.

I like it that the only things in my office are my things and that I'll actually get to decorate an office. In the old office the file cabinets in my office and the other computers were "public" so people were always coming in and out (leading to my paranoia of being "snuck up on"). So now I have to pick a rug for my office and find something for the walls. Fun.

And, big one, I like it that my family can stop by without feeling like it's imposing too too much on anyone. Granted, the little footsteps running down the hall to mama's office are a little obvious, but it's not quite as disruptive as before. Oh, and our son has to run to the kitchen each time he's here and get a plastic knife, fork, and spoon. He's gotta have em. Bad placement for those items, but I'll collect them in my office (when he doesn't take them home with him) and use the grubby ones myself when I don't feel like washing my silverware.

So, what else do I like about this office....I like it that the bathroom vent fan doesn't sound like it's going to suck me out the ceiling or give me hearing damage. Okay. I'm stretching it here...but really, it's a lot better.

Well, I think I'll go do that middle of the day grocery shopping now and grab a bite to eat since we didn't have leftovers for me to bring today.

writing and moving

I've been in a writing mood lately. I've composed a number of posts, stories, email, etc, but sadly, they are usually composed while driving, rocking baby to sleep, etc - not when I am actually at a computer. And by the time I get to a computer they are lost and I have other more pressing things that must be done. I may not be posting, but I'm thinking about you blog.

We're moving to a new office. What chaos! The move is this weekend and the chaos started today. We do hope the new places is happier. Less dull. Nicer. Less drafty. Kind of exciting. I hope to instantly become more motivated and happier. That's probably too much to ask, but I'll at least try for a new start on my attitude. Maybe the change of scenery will make that easier. Hold me to it...

(the last couple lousy webcam picts in the old place)

At a better place.

We have been talking and thinking a lot lately, and I am currently pretty settled with the idea of me working full time and my husband being home. We both recognize that it is not ideal (it helps me that my husband recognizes this, too), but we really do have a lot of "pluses" with the current arrangement. So for now we are focusing on trying to make this work better for us. We'll try to improve what we have instead of reworking the whole thing. I'm okay with this. At least I think I am. Ask me on Friday after a week or work and make sure I still feel that way. Well, maybe don't ask on Friday...those tend to be my breakdown days.

So, what can we do to make a good things better? The number one thing is a change of attitude. I Must focus on the good. I must. There are some relatively simple things that we are doing that are making a huge difference to me: 1) my husband is cooking nearly every weeknight meal so that I can have more time with the kids, 2) I'm trying to get one on one time with each of the kids most weekends, 3) I'm basically worthless with housework and focus on the kids in the time that I do get at home. The result is that my husband has to do more cooking and cleaning, but I'm feeling a tad bit more balanced. I miss cooking (I really do love it), but I miss my kids more. So we have simple meals and not as much variety, and the house is extra cluttered, but that's okay.

In the longer term we want to move to a house where we have space for me to work from home part of the time. I have the option to do this some, but it would not work in our current space. So we'll work toward that long term, I will try to focus on being happy, and I'll continue to be worthless around the house. Other ideas on life work balance? I'll keep thinking I'm sure.

Where's the numbness?

I am very confused about life. I long to be a stay at home mom, but I also know that I am very lucky to have a stable, good paying job. I have more earning potential than my husband at this point, and it would be very difficult for him to find a job that could support us on one income. We have so much, yet I yearn for something different. Would me being home make us happier? Would my children fall apart less? Would we eat better? Would the house be less of a mess? Life would be different. But that does not mean that what we have now is not a good thing. Maybe talking though this will help me? I'm sure it will be a reoccurring theme here since it is one of my major stumbling blocks these days.

We have a good income and can buy everything we need and many things we want. We are able to live relatively close to my parents and see them every few weeks. Our children have their father home full time with them. They are loved and cared for and nursed and fed in the best way that we can manage. We have very little debt. We live in a beautiful and scenic part of the country that is safe and relatively clean. So, why on earth do I want to turn our world upside down so that I can be the one home? It seems so selfish, but I just can't move beyond this strong feeling that I need to be home. I try to embrace what we have and focus on the richness of our life, and I do okay for a few days. And then one day I go crazy wanting to be home. Sometimes I cry. Sometimes I scream. Drive and cry. Drive and scream. Panic attacks. Feel like I'm losing my mind. Maybe this is just my personal instability and being home would not solve that? Would I be happier if I was home? Would I be more stable? Or is this just a combination of me and lack of sleep?

I am in a phase now where I feel that I have to just accept that it is better for everyone if I continue to work and my husband continues to be the parent at home. But I keep wishing for a miracle - a good job that would make him excited to work again and would allow me to be home with my dear children. But let's not go down that thought road...lets think about how to make this work. I need to move beyond my own personal emotional desire to be home and focus on making life happier for us. I need to find the numbness. The numbness that lets me go to work every morning and work all day without crying or being angry that I cannot be home. The numbness that blocks the jealousy that I am not the one meeting my children's every need (as unglamorous as that may be). But not so numb that I am lost in the cloud of numbness. I have not found that happy place yet where I can embrace every aspect of our life. I try to put on a happy face for my family, but even my three year old knows that "mama sad. mama have to go to work." I talk to my son about why I have to go to work. I don't want him to think that I leave him every day because I want to. Maybe this is the wrong approach? I tell him that I would rather be home with him but that I have to go to work to make money so that we can buy things that we need and things that we want. He seems to grasp this concept pretty well. Nearly every day in the morning he says "mama stay long long time today". And I have to tell him that "no, I have to go to work today". Sometimes he says "mama go to work to make money so we can buy food and toys". It makes me so sad, but at the same time at least he knows why I go away.

I'm not sure I made any progress this evening. But I'm not crying. I only have a lump in my throat, and I'm not crying.

Good evenings after work

When I get home from work our son (D or snap), pretends that he doesn't care that I'm home - even though a moment before he was eagerly awaiting my arrival. He is often in the living room or the basement playroom being busy. Our daughter (SR, also called button) is usually riding in her father's arms as he gets dinner started. Button gives me a full body smile (that grin and wiggle that makes it all worth it). After removing my coat and shoes and washing my hands, I take the smiling wiggle monster and descend into snap's domain. He jabbers at me with his mind far out racing his speech and I try to get the gist of the current adventure. After a few minutes it's time to change out of work clothes and give button a snack before dinner.

Last evening button nursed a bit and then snap wanted his boob. Doppler (i.e., my husband) was cooking dinner, so I propped button up in the corner of the love seat and put snap on my lap. Button saw a great opportunity to grab. Grab and taste. That's her game. But the grab was for snap's hair. At first this was funny, but it interfered with snap's nursing when button tried to put pull the hair to her mouth! But sister love trumps anger and pain so snap merely got up to go get a hat. If only he was that patient with me.

About those apple cores

I hate to throw food in the trash. Even apple cores and banana peels. So when I have food scraps at work I take them home to the compost. Sometimes the apple cores don't make it home every day and collect in a tea cup on my desk, becoming dried apple cores. I currently am observing four days of drying on my desk. Please don't think I'm really gross for not cleaning up my desk and trowing out my garbage - apple cores really do dry quite nicely in the dry winter indoor air of our office. The apple cores will go home tonight! My poor husband never knows what he'll find when he opens my lunch dishes. Luckily we've switched to all clear glass bowls so at least he can peek and see if any stinky surprised await (banana peels don't dry quite as nicely as apple cores).